When we talk about effectively communicating our message, we often emphasize the act of speaking persuasively. Another important but much neglected component of persuasion is something we call “engaged listening.” Politically active students and community organizers often come with preconceived negative ideas about Zionism, Israel and the greater Middle East. Even if you have a much stronger grasp on the history and current issues pertaining to our struggle, it is important to listen to the opinions of others. In order for people to consider shifting politically on controversial issues, they need to feel they have the opportunity to not only feel heard but also understood. Genuine and engaged listening is fundamental to building trust and creating an opening for an ongoing conversation that lies at the heart of effective political persuasion.
TIPS:
• At the outset of the conversation, resolve to do more listening than talking
• Ask open-ended questions that demonstrate you are actively listening (this will give the person license to continue the conversation while potentially getting at deeper and more meaningful information)
• Focus solely on what the speaker is saying and not about what you plan to say next (the conversation will anyway follow a logical flow after the speaker makes his or her point)
• Occasionally repeat back to the speaker what you heard him or her say, by beginning “If I understand you correctly, you are saying…” (this will not only assure the speaker that he or she has been heard but will also allow him or her to correct or clarify any misunderstanding and to evaluate his/her feelings after hearing them expressed by someone else)
• Respond selectively to what is personal rather than to what is impersonal, distant or abstract
• Try to understand the feelings contained in what the other is saying, not just the facts or ideas
• Work to develop the best possible sense of the speaker’s frame of reference while avoiding the temptation to respond from your frame of reference
• Look for common ground in what you hear and point it out
• Respond with acceptance and empathy, not with indifference, cold objectivity or fake concern (even if you don’t agree with the specifics of what someone says, you can often agree or empathize with their concerns)
• Never misrepresent how you think or feel but also avoid needlessly turning a conversation into a debate by drawing out distinctions between yourself and another
• Recognize that not everything needs to be addressed in a single conversation (trust is built over time and will be strengthened if you can convey a willingness and genuine interest in continuing the conversation)